First and foremost, this is NOT what some of you may think it's about. So go ahead and get your mind out the gutter! LOL. I know someone was thinking, hmmm....
I can't even lie though, when I wrote out the title my mind went left field too. Hahaaa, gotta love the human mind!
Anywho, I would like to discuss sticky situations that pertain to relationships.....or lack thereof. The kind of situations that make you question yourself, your motives, morals, values and so on.
When dating or just being involved with someone, whether it be sexual or on "talking" terms...there are ALWAYS boundaries. Now what those boundaries are and how you go about them differ when dealing with certain people, but to me some things should be the same no matter who is involved. This is quite bittersweet for myself and others.
So let me give you some examples...
Is it ok to date someone that knows your ex or past sexual partner? If so, why or why not? If it's ok, what are the rules for doing so?
What if you were talking to someone but never had sex...but the 2 of you were mentally/emotionally attached...is it ever ok to date someone they know?!
We all tend to have our take on these issues but I know there would probably be bias answers (with specific individuals). I like to call these "what the fuck" moments! Lol. I've had to question my moral character when dealing with this too.
So let me put myself on the chopping block for a second. *hypothetically of course ;o)*
So me and "Joe" dated for 3 years and claimed to be in love and the whole nine right? We've had several "make up to break up" moments but always found ourselves back with one another. This last breakup was different though, we called it quits for good. We've been apart for 4 months now and these last few weeks, 2 guys we both know have been trying to get with me. One guy, "Aaron," use to be best friends with "Joe" but they fell out about a year ago. Now me and "Aaron" met when I started dating "Joe." Is it cool to get with him?!
I would say the shit is trifling and that's a no go, no way around it but some may think differently.
Now this other cat, "Cassidy" has been my homeboy FOREVER!!! We've known each other since the sandbox but he has been cool with "Joe" for about 10 years. He's my best friend but still they're friends, so now what?!
Ok so, those are pretty sticky but what if me and "Joe" only talked for about 3 months and went on dates but never had sex? We chopped it up and wanted to learn more about each other and then decided not to take it down that road. Would it be ok to give "Aaron" or "Cassidy" a shot then?!
***If no sex was involved and there was no "real" relationship, I'd be like WTF...as I have before! So please share your thoughts, you could possibly help someone out that is going through this.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Gone Too Long
Whaddup doe?!
Lovers and friends, thanks for joining me once again. I know it has been a while since your girl been on blogger...lost some followers and all that but it's cool I'd leave too! Lol.
But I'm back...new pc. The screen went out on my last one but I got a few new posts today and hopefully more on the regular.
But let me get to work on those for y'all, hope you enjoy. Until then, listen to this song...it seems perfect for the occasion. :o)
Lovers and friends, thanks for joining me once again. I know it has been a while since your girl been on blogger...lost some followers and all that but it's cool I'd leave too! Lol.
But I'm back...new pc. The screen went out on my last one but I got a few new posts today and hopefully more on the regular.
But let me get to work on those for y'all, hope you enjoy. Until then, listen to this song...it seems perfect for the occasion. :o)
Men & Women and Our Feelings...
I was on Twitter a little while ago and friend of mine posted this:
"Women can front all dey want but when u're getn piped right, u develop feelings in some sort of way." (via @skmusic)
So of course, me being who I am...I had a response.
"Agreed! Goes both ways doe."
He agreed with me as well and I took that as an ok to expound a bit more.
"Yup & women would be cool w/expressing feelings but men keep their feelings bottled in..so we be like wtf imma look stupid 4?! So of course we put on like y'all do. Which is a dumb cycle but u know..that's life! Lol."
I thought this would be great topic for us to discuss and maybe we can dig deeper into the reason behind each gender feeling the way that we do and possibly come up with a solution. A solution is a bit far-fetched but hell, anything can happen right?!
Even though I'm well aware of what feelings are; I decided to hit up my good friend dictionary.com for a better understanding of the word and ALL of its meanings.
Feeling:
noun
1.the function or the power of perceiving by touch.
2.physical sensation not connected with sight, hearing, taste, or smell.
3.a particular sensation of this kind: a feeling of warmth; a feeling of pain.
4.the general state of consciousness considered independently of particular sensations, thoughts, etc.
5.a consciousness or vague awareness: a feeling of inferiority.
6.an emotion or emotional perception or attitude: a feeling of joy; a feeling of sorrow.
7.capacity for emotion, especially compassion: to have great feeling for the sufferings of others.
8.a sentiment; attitude; opinion: The general feeling was in favor of the proposal.
9.feelings, sensibilities; susceptibilities: to hurt one's feelings.
10.fine emotional endowment.
adjective
11.sensitive; sentient.
12.readily affected by emotion; sympathetic: a feeling heart.
13.indicating or characterized by emotion: a feeling reply to the charge.
So now that it is evident that we know what a feeling is and what feelings are caused by; I questioned the aspect of our feelings completely and how we go about them.
When is it ok for a man or woman to express his/her feelings to his/her partner? (whether they're a "couple" or just kicking it)
Does the amount of time REALLY matter?!
Does waiting TOO long hender the relationship or make the feelings stronger?
How can we change that for the better?!
Me personally, I feel like women love to show emotion and affection but men are a bit different. As I stated above, women, we will put our feelings out there but if the man we're dealing with doesn't, we look stupid. So to keep from looking like an ass and protecting our hearts (or so we think), we act as men do. I don't think it's good for relationships because someone ALWAYS gets hurt at one time or another, if not both parties. When it comes to putting a time limit on when to express your mate, it really doesn't matter. Well, I take that back...as long as he/she isn't "in love" in 2 or 3 days because that's a bit much. However, you can be really feeling someone in a few days depending on how much the couple has learned about each other but love...scratch that! Putting an actual time limit on ANYTHING in life is usually a no go but I know we all tend to do this (some of us more than others). Do what makes you truly comfortable! If he/she gives you a sense of trust and you see possibilities for growth...go for it. I think time limits set you up. It puts you in a box and tells you that if this doesn't happen by this time, then it's a wrap. It can also make you feel like you have to do something for an extensive amount of time before certain results occur and that's not true. Everyone is different so live a little and just let go. We'd all be surprised at the outcome of relationships if there weren't too many boundaries and limitations. We do need some but don't go too far into the deep end with it or it can be very detrimental. Explore the possibilities!!! :)
So tell me, what do YOU think?!
"Women can front all dey want but when u're getn piped right, u develop feelings in some sort of way." (via @skmusic)
So of course, me being who I am...I had a response.
"Agreed! Goes both ways doe."
He agreed with me as well and I took that as an ok to expound a bit more.
"Yup & women would be cool w/expressing feelings but men keep their feelings bottled in..so we be like wtf imma look stupid 4?! So of course we put on like y'all do. Which is a dumb cycle but u know..that's life! Lol."
I thought this would be great topic for us to discuss and maybe we can dig deeper into the reason behind each gender feeling the way that we do and possibly come up with a solution. A solution is a bit far-fetched but hell, anything can happen right?!
Even though I'm well aware of what feelings are; I decided to hit up my good friend dictionary.com for a better understanding of the word and ALL of its meanings.
Feeling:
noun
1.the function or the power of perceiving by touch.
2.physical sensation not connected with sight, hearing, taste, or smell.
3.a particular sensation of this kind: a feeling of warmth; a feeling of pain.
4.the general state of consciousness considered independently of particular sensations, thoughts, etc.
5.a consciousness or vague awareness: a feeling of inferiority.
6.an emotion or emotional perception or attitude: a feeling of joy; a feeling of sorrow.
7.capacity for emotion, especially compassion: to have great feeling for the sufferings of others.
8.a sentiment; attitude; opinion: The general feeling was in favor of the proposal.
9.feelings, sensibilities; susceptibilities: to hurt one's feelings.
10.fine emotional endowment.
adjective
11.sensitive; sentient.
12.readily affected by emotion; sympathetic: a feeling heart.
13.indicating or characterized by emotion: a feeling reply to the charge.
So now that it is evident that we know what a feeling is and what feelings are caused by; I questioned the aspect of our feelings completely and how we go about them.
When is it ok for a man or woman to express his/her feelings to his/her partner? (whether they're a "couple" or just kicking it)
Does the amount of time REALLY matter?!
Does waiting TOO long hender the relationship or make the feelings stronger?
How can we change that for the better?!
Me personally, I feel like women love to show emotion and affection but men are a bit different. As I stated above, women, we will put our feelings out there but if the man we're dealing with doesn't, we look stupid. So to keep from looking like an ass and protecting our hearts (or so we think), we act as men do. I don't think it's good for relationships because someone ALWAYS gets hurt at one time or another, if not both parties. When it comes to putting a time limit on when to express your mate, it really doesn't matter. Well, I take that back...as long as he/she isn't "in love" in 2 or 3 days because that's a bit much. However, you can be really feeling someone in a few days depending on how much the couple has learned about each other but love...scratch that! Putting an actual time limit on ANYTHING in life is usually a no go but I know we all tend to do this (some of us more than others). Do what makes you truly comfortable! If he/she gives you a sense of trust and you see possibilities for growth...go for it. I think time limits set you up. It puts you in a box and tells you that if this doesn't happen by this time, then it's a wrap. It can also make you feel like you have to do something for an extensive amount of time before certain results occur and that's not true. Everyone is different so live a little and just let go. We'd all be surprised at the outcome of relationships if there weren't too many boundaries and limitations. We do need some but don't go too far into the deep end with it or it can be very detrimental. Explore the possibilities!!! :)
So tell me, what do YOU think?!
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