First and foremost, this is NOT what some of you may think it's about. So go ahead and get your mind out the gutter! LOL. I know someone was thinking, hmmm....
I can't even lie though, when I wrote out the title my mind went left field too. Hahaaa, gotta love the human mind!
Anywho, I would like to discuss sticky situations that pertain to relationships.....or lack thereof. The kind of situations that make you question yourself, your motives, morals, values and so on.
When dating or just being involved with someone, whether it be sexual or on "talking" terms...there are ALWAYS boundaries. Now what those boundaries are and how you go about them differ when dealing with certain people, but to me some things should be the same no matter who is involved. This is quite bittersweet for myself and others.
So let me give you some examples...
Is it ok to date someone that knows your ex or past sexual partner? If so, why or why not? If it's ok, what are the rules for doing so?
What if you were talking to someone but never had sex...but the 2 of you were mentally/emotionally attached...is it ever ok to date someone they know?!
We all tend to have our take on these issues but I know there would probably be bias answers (with specific individuals). I like to call these "what the fuck" moments! Lol. I've had to question my moral character when dealing with this too.
So let me put myself on the chopping block for a second. *hypothetically of course ;o)*
So me and "Joe" dated for 3 years and claimed to be in love and the whole nine right? We've had several "make up to break up" moments but always found ourselves back with one another. This last breakup was different though, we called it quits for good. We've been apart for 4 months now and these last few weeks, 2 guys we both know have been trying to get with me. One guy, "Aaron," use to be best friends with "Joe" but they fell out about a year ago. Now me and "Aaron" met when I started dating "Joe." Is it cool to get with him?!
I would say the shit is trifling and that's a no go, no way around it but some may think differently.
Now this other cat, "Cassidy" has been my homeboy FOREVER!!! We've known each other since the sandbox but he has been cool with "Joe" for about 10 years. He's my best friend but still they're friends, so now what?!
Ok so, those are pretty sticky but what if me and "Joe" only talked for about 3 months and went on dates but never had sex? We chopped it up and wanted to learn more about each other and then decided not to take it down that road. Would it be ok to give "Aaron" or "Cassidy" a shot then?!
***If no sex was involved and there was no "real" relationship, I'd be like WTF...as I have before! So please share your thoughts, you could possibly help someone out that is going through this.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Gone Too Long
Whaddup doe?!
Lovers and friends, thanks for joining me once again. I know it has been a while since your girl been on blogger...lost some followers and all that but it's cool I'd leave too! Lol.
But I'm back...new pc. The screen went out on my last one but I got a few new posts today and hopefully more on the regular.
But let me get to work on those for y'all, hope you enjoy. Until then, listen to this song...it seems perfect for the occasion. :o)
Lovers and friends, thanks for joining me once again. I know it has been a while since your girl been on blogger...lost some followers and all that but it's cool I'd leave too! Lol.
But I'm back...new pc. The screen went out on my last one but I got a few new posts today and hopefully more on the regular.
But let me get to work on those for y'all, hope you enjoy. Until then, listen to this song...it seems perfect for the occasion. :o)
Men & Women and Our Feelings...
I was on Twitter a little while ago and friend of mine posted this:
"Women can front all dey want but when u're getn piped right, u develop feelings in some sort of way." (via @skmusic)
So of course, me being who I am...I had a response.
"Agreed! Goes both ways doe."
He agreed with me as well and I took that as an ok to expound a bit more.
"Yup & women would be cool w/expressing feelings but men keep their feelings bottled in..so we be like wtf imma look stupid 4?! So of course we put on like y'all do. Which is a dumb cycle but u know..that's life! Lol."
I thought this would be great topic for us to discuss and maybe we can dig deeper into the reason behind each gender feeling the way that we do and possibly come up with a solution. A solution is a bit far-fetched but hell, anything can happen right?!
Even though I'm well aware of what feelings are; I decided to hit up my good friend dictionary.com for a better understanding of the word and ALL of its meanings.
Feeling:
noun
1.the function or the power of perceiving by touch.
2.physical sensation not connected with sight, hearing, taste, or smell.
3.a particular sensation of this kind: a feeling of warmth; a feeling of pain.
4.the general state of consciousness considered independently of particular sensations, thoughts, etc.
5.a consciousness or vague awareness: a feeling of inferiority.
6.an emotion or emotional perception or attitude: a feeling of joy; a feeling of sorrow.
7.capacity for emotion, especially compassion: to have great feeling for the sufferings of others.
8.a sentiment; attitude; opinion: The general feeling was in favor of the proposal.
9.feelings, sensibilities; susceptibilities: to hurt one's feelings.
10.fine emotional endowment.
adjective
11.sensitive; sentient.
12.readily affected by emotion; sympathetic: a feeling heart.
13.indicating or characterized by emotion: a feeling reply to the charge.
So now that it is evident that we know what a feeling is and what feelings are caused by; I questioned the aspect of our feelings completely and how we go about them.
When is it ok for a man or woman to express his/her feelings to his/her partner? (whether they're a "couple" or just kicking it)
Does the amount of time REALLY matter?!
Does waiting TOO long hender the relationship or make the feelings stronger?
How can we change that for the better?!
Me personally, I feel like women love to show emotion and affection but men are a bit different. As I stated above, women, we will put our feelings out there but if the man we're dealing with doesn't, we look stupid. So to keep from looking like an ass and protecting our hearts (or so we think), we act as men do. I don't think it's good for relationships because someone ALWAYS gets hurt at one time or another, if not both parties. When it comes to putting a time limit on when to express your mate, it really doesn't matter. Well, I take that back...as long as he/she isn't "in love" in 2 or 3 days because that's a bit much. However, you can be really feeling someone in a few days depending on how much the couple has learned about each other but love...scratch that! Putting an actual time limit on ANYTHING in life is usually a no go but I know we all tend to do this (some of us more than others). Do what makes you truly comfortable! If he/she gives you a sense of trust and you see possibilities for growth...go for it. I think time limits set you up. It puts you in a box and tells you that if this doesn't happen by this time, then it's a wrap. It can also make you feel like you have to do something for an extensive amount of time before certain results occur and that's not true. Everyone is different so live a little and just let go. We'd all be surprised at the outcome of relationships if there weren't too many boundaries and limitations. We do need some but don't go too far into the deep end with it or it can be very detrimental. Explore the possibilities!!! :)
So tell me, what do YOU think?!
"Women can front all dey want but when u're getn piped right, u develop feelings in some sort of way." (via @skmusic)
So of course, me being who I am...I had a response.
"Agreed! Goes both ways doe."
He agreed with me as well and I took that as an ok to expound a bit more.
"Yup & women would be cool w/expressing feelings but men keep their feelings bottled in..so we be like wtf imma look stupid 4?! So of course we put on like y'all do. Which is a dumb cycle but u know..that's life! Lol."
I thought this would be great topic for us to discuss and maybe we can dig deeper into the reason behind each gender feeling the way that we do and possibly come up with a solution. A solution is a bit far-fetched but hell, anything can happen right?!
Even though I'm well aware of what feelings are; I decided to hit up my good friend dictionary.com for a better understanding of the word and ALL of its meanings.
Feeling:
noun
1.the function or the power of perceiving by touch.
2.physical sensation not connected with sight, hearing, taste, or smell.
3.a particular sensation of this kind: a feeling of warmth; a feeling of pain.
4.the general state of consciousness considered independently of particular sensations, thoughts, etc.
5.a consciousness or vague awareness: a feeling of inferiority.
6.an emotion or emotional perception or attitude: a feeling of joy; a feeling of sorrow.
7.capacity for emotion, especially compassion: to have great feeling for the sufferings of others.
8.a sentiment; attitude; opinion: The general feeling was in favor of the proposal.
9.feelings, sensibilities; susceptibilities: to hurt one's feelings.
10.fine emotional endowment.
adjective
11.sensitive; sentient.
12.readily affected by emotion; sympathetic: a feeling heart.
13.indicating or characterized by emotion: a feeling reply to the charge.
So now that it is evident that we know what a feeling is and what feelings are caused by; I questioned the aspect of our feelings completely and how we go about them.
When is it ok for a man or woman to express his/her feelings to his/her partner? (whether they're a "couple" or just kicking it)
Does the amount of time REALLY matter?!
Does waiting TOO long hender the relationship or make the feelings stronger?
How can we change that for the better?!
Me personally, I feel like women love to show emotion and affection but men are a bit different. As I stated above, women, we will put our feelings out there but if the man we're dealing with doesn't, we look stupid. So to keep from looking like an ass and protecting our hearts (or so we think), we act as men do. I don't think it's good for relationships because someone ALWAYS gets hurt at one time or another, if not both parties. When it comes to putting a time limit on when to express your mate, it really doesn't matter. Well, I take that back...as long as he/she isn't "in love" in 2 or 3 days because that's a bit much. However, you can be really feeling someone in a few days depending on how much the couple has learned about each other but love...scratch that! Putting an actual time limit on ANYTHING in life is usually a no go but I know we all tend to do this (some of us more than others). Do what makes you truly comfortable! If he/she gives you a sense of trust and you see possibilities for growth...go for it. I think time limits set you up. It puts you in a box and tells you that if this doesn't happen by this time, then it's a wrap. It can also make you feel like you have to do something for an extensive amount of time before certain results occur and that's not true. Everyone is different so live a little and just let go. We'd all be surprised at the outcome of relationships if there weren't too many boundaries and limitations. We do need some but don't go too far into the deep end with it or it can be very detrimental. Explore the possibilities!!! :)
So tell me, what do YOU think?!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
What's the REAL reason behind men not wanting to commit to women?!
This question has been asked many times but what's the correct answer?
I can't speak on ALL women all the time because even though we are all alike in some instances; we are different in a lot of ways. I DEFINITELY can't speak on women of other ethnic backgrounds. I'm not fully black but that's all that I can identify with and when it comes to men; black men is all I know of.
Some black women may disagree due to denial issues, but the main reason why black men don't like to commit to black women is because of...BLACK WOMEN!
I say this because like anything or anyone else, one rotten apple can spoil the whole bunch. Every race has behavior stereotypes and the way many people see black women isn't always in a good light. Being a black woman myself; the shit doesn't sound good or make you feel any better about yourself but it is what it is.
So if black women are seen as being sneaky, always gives off a bad attitude, don't know how to be submissive, and most importantly...can't SHUT THE FUCK UP; a commitment would be the LAST thing we get. Well at least one thats worth speaking of; a REAL commitment!
BLACK WOMEN:
1. If your man can't trust you; what's the point of him wasting his time with your ass for anything OTHER THAN; some ass?! Riddle me that!
2. NO ONE likes to deal with people with bad attitudes all the time. So what makes you think a man wants to be in a relationship with a woman with a nasty attitude? Your attitude is a part of your character: don't forget that.
3. When submission is concerned; black women, we need to learn how to let a man BE A MAN! You can't chastise him for EVERY wrong he makes & if you forgive him for something LET THE SHIT GOOOOO!!!
4. S.T.F.U.-SHUT THE FUCK UP sometimes! I have a problem with this @ times too but I know when enough is enough. Everything doesn't have to result in an argument. Even if you're right & he's wrong; SHUT UP. You can't win every battle so let it be. We as "Black Women" LOOOOVE to try & get our point across by any means but fail to realize that talking too much can make things worse.
***If WE worked harder @ following the 4 guidelines above; I'm willing to bet that more women would have men or be able to keep their men. Failure to take heed to what I'm saying will forever result in the same bullshit! Therefore black women will keep being labeled this way & without that relationship we long for. ESPECIALLY the S.T.F.U. rule; the next chick will forever have one up on you because she's going to do what you're not. And FYI; she just might be your friend!!!
But before I end this; there are two things that I can say about women of ALL ethnicities: 1. We say one thing about our wants & needs but can't handle it once it is given to us. 2. We want to control men & rush them into things they're not ready for.
CUT THE SHIT!!!
If you say you want a man who's genuine, a lover, great job/career, always spends time with you, sensitive & etc...just an all around "good guy;" be happy with who you get! When women describe men like that they're basically asking to find a guy on the down low! Let the man be who he is; accept it or keep it moving. Being TOO persistent on finding someone who meets every WANT on your list usually ends in disaster; just an FYI.
And lastly, all the restraints and control is unnecessary. We don't want to be fully controlled so what makes you think he wants to be treated that way?! If you treat men like dogs; they will follow through and be one.
Responses are GREATLY appreciated! :-)
I can't speak on ALL women all the time because even though we are all alike in some instances; we are different in a lot of ways. I DEFINITELY can't speak on women of other ethnic backgrounds. I'm not fully black but that's all that I can identify with and when it comes to men; black men is all I know of.
Some black women may disagree due to denial issues, but the main reason why black men don't like to commit to black women is because of...BLACK WOMEN!
I say this because like anything or anyone else, one rotten apple can spoil the whole bunch. Every race has behavior stereotypes and the way many people see black women isn't always in a good light. Being a black woman myself; the shit doesn't sound good or make you feel any better about yourself but it is what it is.
So if black women are seen as being sneaky, always gives off a bad attitude, don't know how to be submissive, and most importantly...can't SHUT THE FUCK UP; a commitment would be the LAST thing we get. Well at least one thats worth speaking of; a REAL commitment!
BLACK WOMEN:
1. If your man can't trust you; what's the point of him wasting his time with your ass for anything OTHER THAN; some ass?! Riddle me that!
2. NO ONE likes to deal with people with bad attitudes all the time. So what makes you think a man wants to be in a relationship with a woman with a nasty attitude? Your attitude is a part of your character: don't forget that.
3. When submission is concerned; black women, we need to learn how to let a man BE A MAN! You can't chastise him for EVERY wrong he makes & if you forgive him for something LET THE SHIT GOOOOO!!!
4. S.T.F.U.-SHUT THE FUCK UP sometimes! I have a problem with this @ times too but I know when enough is enough. Everything doesn't have to result in an argument. Even if you're right & he's wrong; SHUT UP. You can't win every battle so let it be. We as "Black Women" LOOOOVE to try & get our point across by any means but fail to realize that talking too much can make things worse.
***If WE worked harder @ following the 4 guidelines above; I'm willing to bet that more women would have men or be able to keep their men. Failure to take heed to what I'm saying will forever result in the same bullshit! Therefore black women will keep being labeled this way & without that relationship we long for. ESPECIALLY the S.T.F.U. rule; the next chick will forever have one up on you because she's going to do what you're not. And FYI; she just might be your friend!!!
But before I end this; there are two things that I can say about women of ALL ethnicities: 1. We say one thing about our wants & needs but can't handle it once it is given to us. 2. We want to control men & rush them into things they're not ready for.
CUT THE SHIT!!!
If you say you want a man who's genuine, a lover, great job/career, always spends time with you, sensitive & etc...just an all around "good guy;" be happy with who you get! When women describe men like that they're basically asking to find a guy on the down low! Let the man be who he is; accept it or keep it moving. Being TOO persistent on finding someone who meets every WANT on your list usually ends in disaster; just an FYI.
And lastly, all the restraints and control is unnecessary. We don't want to be fully controlled so what makes you think he wants to be treated that way?! If you treat men like dogs; they will follow through and be one.
Responses are GREATLY appreciated! :-)
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5
Break-Ups! The right & wrong ways to go about ending relationships & announcing it to loved ones...
What would be considered as a "good" or "bad" break-up? Does "good" break-ups REALLY exist?!
Is it ever ok to publically humiliate your ex-mate; whether it be in person or over the internet?! Especially if the two of you have been together over a year.
I do understand that things tend to go wrong at one point of another which ends in breaking up. But is there a way to call things off with someone you care for deeply or CLAIM to be in love with...WITHOUT hurting him or her even more?!
I'm the type of person that prefer to be told the truth about things as soon as possible because prolonging it is what makes things worse; it's more painful. If you're in love, breaking up is hard to do regardless of the circumstances involved. But face to face is always the way to go unless the relationship is volatile.
A more "upfront" & honest breakup would be considered as a "good" one to me. Females are GOOD at messy breakups like those mentioned above like internet based and/or via phone or text messaging. Hell, guys are known for these forms of breaking up too, nowadays. I just would like to hear the opinion of others.
I'm also wondering about how men & women should go about telling their family & friends that it's over.
I personally believe it's no ones business yet if you are close to your fam/friends; they're aware of the relationship.
This can be another way to make shit worse; even after you've called it quits. Getting TOO many people involved in the ordeal.
Any thoughts?! Feel free to expound as much as you like! :-)
Is it ever ok to publically humiliate your ex-mate; whether it be in person or over the internet?! Especially if the two of you have been together over a year.
I do understand that things tend to go wrong at one point of another which ends in breaking up. But is there a way to call things off with someone you care for deeply or CLAIM to be in love with...WITHOUT hurting him or her even more?!
I'm the type of person that prefer to be told the truth about things as soon as possible because prolonging it is what makes things worse; it's more painful. If you're in love, breaking up is hard to do regardless of the circumstances involved. But face to face is always the way to go unless the relationship is volatile.
A more "upfront" & honest breakup would be considered as a "good" one to me. Females are GOOD at messy breakups like those mentioned above like internet based and/or via phone or text messaging. Hell, guys are known for these forms of breaking up too, nowadays. I just would like to hear the opinion of others.
I'm also wondering about how men & women should go about telling their family & friends that it's over.
I personally believe it's no ones business yet if you are close to your fam/friends; they're aware of the relationship.
This can be another way to make shit worse; even after you've called it quits. Getting TOO many people involved in the ordeal.
Any thoughts?! Feel free to expound as much as you like! :-)
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Been a while...
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!
I know it's been a while; there's NO excuse for my absence but I'm happy to be back doing what I LOVE! In life, we tend to plan things out but it hardly ever goes the way we intend. For those who have been rocking with me; I GREATLY appreciate it and those who will begin to rock with me in the future...thank you as well!
I will post as MUCH as possible!!!
Life Changing Experience...Just before the New Year
On December 28th at approximately 6:30pm, this pic described my life. A moment in my life that will always be in the back of my mind. Life changing? DEFINITELY!
I never imagined what it would be like to be hit by a car; I mean, who does?! But I’ll NEVER forget the impact that it has had on my life and to think it just made a week on this past Tuesday.
I’m not sure who this is in the picture but I hope they made it through the trauma.
*Just to shine a lil more light on the poem below. Life is precious…appreciate it, love it, enjoy it, make the best of it, and try to impact someone else’s life in a positive way while doing so.*
Accidentally Torn...
Oblivious! A sudden impact out of nowhere. Confused. Where am I? How did this happen? What happens now? Which way do I turn? Will anyone come to my rescue? Hurt. Aching, shivering, ice cold, piercing, gut wrenching, unimaginable.....painful. New experience. What will the outcome be? Will there still be life or is this the end? Normal existence. STRONG, confident, ENORMOUS faith, diligent worker bee, warm hearted, unimaginably kind, prayer warrior, fearless, leader, caregiver, provider, mother, daughter, sister, friend....ultimately, a lover of all sorts. Current existence. Afraid, unsure, sore, swollen, scarred, lacking, in need, betrayed, unloved, blind, ANGRY, probing, forgotten, handicap, EMPTY!!!
All of these things reference me in so many ways. It's like a story; my story. My story starts with my breaking point; the point of oblivion. Unaware of what was going on around me and no recollection of how I ended up there. Then there's a more in depth look at my life before I lost track of myself but ending at my current state of mind.
I'm lost in a familiar world that doesn't seem to remember me...or even care to for that matter. It's like all that I knew before isn't here anymore. The family and friends I once had are slim to none. My sight seems to be perfectly fine now but maybe I was blind before?! The strength and faith that made me, ME....is not what it use to be! Are my morals and beliefs in vain?! What was "real" then is practically artificial now. My life is in shambles; turned upside down.
Crash, car, hit, bruised, limping, abandoned, heartbroken, lifeless, disoriented, ME.....torn, ACCIDENTALLY!
All of these things reference me in so many ways. It's like a story; my story. My story starts with my breaking point; the point of oblivion. Unaware of what was going on around me and no recollection of how I ended up there. Then there's a more in depth look at my life before I lost track of myself but ending at my current state of mind.
I'm lost in a familiar world that doesn't seem to remember me...or even care to for that matter. It's like all that I knew before isn't here anymore. The family and friends I once had are slim to none. My sight seems to be perfectly fine now but maybe I was blind before?! The strength and faith that made me, ME....is not what it use to be! Are my morals and beliefs in vain?! What was "real" then is practically artificial now. My life is in shambles; turned upside down.
Crash, car, hit, bruised, limping, abandoned, heartbroken, lifeless, disoriented, ME.....torn, ACCIDENTALLY!
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